The Royal Chronicles

Author\’s commentary, Special Features, Outtakes, and Extras from Marilyn\’s Royal Blog

Ain’t Misbehaving

Posted by Marilyn on May 5, 2005

I’m thoroughly disappointed.

I never thought it would happen.

The royals are behaving themselves.

Unbelievable!

For want of anything better to do, I’m checking my sources daily, watching and waiting for the royals to do something foolish.So far, nothing.Before I started this blog I viewed the foibles of the royal family with bemused indifference. I admit that I’m an inveterate royal watcher, however, I only try to pay attention to the big stuff. Birth’s, marriages, adultery, divorces, romances. Death is the ultimate royal event, a veritable win-fall of coverage. But it can’t just be any royal, it’s gotta be the immediate royals, the Big 5 – Queen, Philip, Charles, William or Harry. Anything further down the line gets a brief mention on the CNN ticker tape. Bad choices of outfit, dogs attacking servants, racial epithets in the heat of the moment, they just don’t do it for me. I never thought I would say this, but the British royals are practically boring now. One would think that would have never happened, but the day has come.

I’m beginning to think that I need to look towards the other European royals – the Danes, Dutch, Belgians, Swedes, Norwegians, and Monegasques. I don’t want to touch the Japanese royals; I would never satirize the emotional breakdown of the Crown Princess. That’s just off limits for me. I don’t like it when people make fun of my mental issues. I don’t have any but the voices in my head say I’m in denial.

But the other royals are behaving too. The imminent births of the Norwegian, Dutch, Danish and Belgian babies are something to look forward to. It’s wonderful news but not particularly funny. Prince Albert of Monaco apparently fathered two illegitimate children by separate women, interesting but until a DNA test proves anything, it’s just mere speculation. Personally, I think Prince Albert is rather dull; he reminds me of someone who works in accounting. You know the type, upper management, eating lunch at his desk; works overtime, comes in on weekends, and doesn’t take vacations. So maybe the Prince is even happy about this development; it makes him look like a virile, straight, playboy bachelor, with a penchant for one night stands. The secret life of an accountant revealed. Who knew they could be so wild?

Of course there’s always writing about the fall-out of these schenigans (I’ve always wanted to use that word). The naysayers, partypoopers, killjoys, republicans, coming out of the woodwork to predict doom. What do the republicans do when there’s nothing to complain about? Do they have meetings? Monthly newsletters? Rotating shifts? Go to royal engagements to recruit new members? I’ve always wondered about that. Reports of “devastating blows to the monarchy” are as predictable and fill column space much as my mentioning it here does. But we’ve come to expect it and it’s old news. If the monarchy does come to an end would we really believe it? Seriously, would we? I wouldn’t want it to end. Where would I get my material? This blog wouldn’t exist. I would have no outlet for my skewed way of looking at things. But what if the royals continue to behave themselves? Then what will happen?

I’ll become someone in ACCOUNTING

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

© Marilyn Braun 2005

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